Red was a 75 year old curmudgeon I used to play Omaha Hi-Lo with. He was meaner than a rattlesnake. You had to get used to him. He sure was an easy read in the poker games. Every time he had a big hand he got a mean look on his face. If you were to say "Hi, how ya doing?" to Red you're lible to get a "f--- you" back. He was just plain miserable. It was like six months before he would even talk to me.
Red was an old tennis pro and tennis coach. He was Andre Agassi's coach for a short while when Agassi was coming up. Agassi made his father fire Red. And I know why. Red was a miserable bastard. He probably never missed an opportunity to call Agassi a pantywaist.
But Agassi's father knew Red was one of the best tennis strategists ever. So he rehired him as a paid adviser. Red was to watch Agassi's matches and advise the father on what Agassi was doing wrong. The father would then relay the information to Agassi.
I once asked Red about the Williams sisters. He said "Their father taught them all wrong. Once they got rid of the father and started playing like the rest of the girls, they started winning."
So we were in an Omaha Hi-Lo game one day and a tennis match is on television. Agassi is playing someone. Red is in the game, trying to play poker and watch Agassi at the same time.
Aggassi tried to make a passing shot on his opponent who was backing up, but the ball went out of bounds.
"You idiot" Red started muttering "You're were supposed to stick it at his goddam feet you )(*^%&(%)%)_#^(*^%#@ dipstick1"
"Why, what happened, Red?" I asked
"Aww, the idiot was supposed to stick the ball right at the guy's feet."
"Why?"
Red gave me a mean look. "Because he was backing up!"
"So?"
Red gave me another mean look. "Because when you're opponent is backing up you're supposed to slam the ball right to his feet!"
"Why?"
Red was really getting steamed now. "Becase most of the time they are off balance to jump sideways and hit the ball, idiot!"
The tennis match goes on and Red is giving all of us a clinic on everything "that idiot" Agassi is doing wrong. Then the camera panned up to Brooke Shields in the audience. She was going through delirium tremons because he poor man had lost another point. Red looked up at it with a quizzical look. The camera cut to Agassi down on the court. Agassi was looking up a Brooke. A mean look got on Red's face as he saw it.
The tennis match went on and it happened again. The camera panned up to Brooke going through delirim tremons again over her poor man losing a point. And the camera cut back down to Agassi who was staring up at Brooke. Now Red is getting angrier and angrier.
A few minutes later and it happened again. Now Red is so mad he can't even stand himself. He whips out his cell phone, punches a number in and hits send. Evidently, someone answered because the next words out of Red mouth were "TELL THAT BITCH TO STAY AT HOME!!!!"
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